Fall

A fear of reaching out
Spikes a chain reaction
Making it too difficult
To let anyone in

Being inside,
And being the only one inside,
It becomes lonely
Very quickly,
Like a spiral slide,
Sliding down,
With nothing to grab onto
And no way of stopping.

Everyone can tell me,
We love you,
You're gonna be okay,
I'm here for you.

But when I get to that place,
Down at the bottom of that dark, deep hole,
The comforting words are muffled by screams
Screams for help,
The help that never comes,
Because the desperate cries are too loud for me to hear,
What I need.

I tell them to quiet down,
I want to hear what I so long for,
But unless I can cut myself open
And tear out the screeches,
I am stuck.
I am alone.
I am lost.

But then when I do get there,
After not cutting open,
But just climbing over the shrieks,
I can see a stream of light coming over the edge,
And it's warm on my face

But a cloud passes by,
And I try to explain how,
Why
I plunged into that deep, dark, place
That cloud becomes a rain,
And I try to give more reason,
But the rain becomes a hurricane,
And my thoughts and statements become jumbled,
As the wind whips them around
And rearranges them,
So that they make no sense to neither you, nor I.

Then, finally, as soon as I think the rain will never pass,
It does.
It leaves my hands trembling,
My face, sore with tears,
The salty taste on my lips.
I have risen from this sea of sadness,
And I begin walking on this shore of recovery.
"I'm sorry" is written in the sand.
The shells whisper words of forgiveness.
The sun kisses me and tells me it's okay,
So I begin to run.
I run and run and run,
Away from the storm,
From the hole,
From the darkness,
From the depth,
And I reach the end of the shore,
Where the shore turns to dirt.

I walk on the dirt road,
Miles and Miles,
Across hills, mountains, valleys, plains,
Then I get there.
To another pier,
Where I see the dark hole,
Swirling below me,
Begging for me to dive in.