Drop

Once it hits
Clarity
And the shapes begin to form
And I am thinking
Running in my head
Walking outside
Seeing the light and the sparks
Talking and connecting
With someone who is feeling the same way
Being affected in an identical manner
The giggles
The comfort of being surrounded
By those who can take care of me
Driving
In the woods
On an all too familiar road
Like a little toy car
In the big room
That is our rural town
And we sit in the truck
Where I feel safe
And I talk through
The feelings
And I go to the basement
And stare at the wall
And I feel the air on my skin
And all my hairs are standing perpendicular to my arm
And I wear the headphones
And listen to the song
And wake you up
And play with your fingers
And the thoughts got through my head
One at a time
I stop and think "wow."
And I wonder
How it feels
To not feel this way
Because all recollection of sobriety
Is gone
And all I can do is enjoy
Where my mind travels
And

Dreary Rainy Sunday

It hurts
A little
To listen to the rain
With the window a little open
And a candle flickering
Without your arms around me
And it hurts
A little 
Not knowing
If it’s hurting you too
And what seems
Like something so small
Isn’t small at all
Manifesting
Into something
Quite large
What’s scary
Is not knowing 
Not knowing
Not knowin

Highways

Rainy
Crisp
Cool
Sunday
Driving with the windows open
The bass rumbles through the speakers
Pulsates through my bones
My hair strays from my neat ponytail
And brushes against my face 
The sun reflecting on my teal cat eye sunglasses
And over the duration of this drive
I am imagining you next to me
A feeling of freedom and happiness
Wanting to be able to escape with you
I want to feel something
And although it is pleasing at times
The numbness is growing old

likelikeliike

I like you.
I like your baby scruffs on your chin that tickle when you giggle and look down when you're kissing me.
I like your blue eyes that are really skilled at keeping eye contact with me while we speak.
I like your bottom lip that trails behind when I kiss you.
I like your freckles that are still visible even in the winter.
I like your short, soft, blonde hair that feels softy spikey when I put my fingers in it.
I like your clunky boot that makes loud noises when you walk through your house.
I like your hands that are a lot bigger than mine but can still hold mine so gently.
I like your chest that seems so still even when I lay my head on it.

I also like that you don't think I'm crazy.
I like that you understand how my brain works.
I like that you think the same way I do...I think.
I just like talking to someone that understands.
I like that someone understands.
I like that you like me.
I like that I like someone who understands.
I like that someone I like who understands likes me.
I just like it a lot ok.

I like that when something goes wrong it's ok.
I like that because I know I have you, it's ok.
I like a lot of that actually.
You help me remember that everything's ok...and I like it.

What's on your mind?

I often have problems saying how I feel
Because how I feel
Is not what I say
Because what I feel
Can only be described
With the words
That have all too passionate connotations
Beautiful words
But words with fear
So what I do say
Isn't what I mean
So what I don't say
Is not to be heard
For fear that you might run away
But the words that are so beautiful
Only wait
And come out as appropriate
So that by the time they come
It feels so good to get them out
And I am happy that I waited

Hurting No Longer; This is Just Clarity

I thought.
I thought it was all done.
That it was all okay.
I thought the season had finally changed.
The warm weather.
Gone.
With the memories of you.
But even in the dead of winter.
It seems as if.
Just because you are here.
The warmth is returning.
Just for you and me.
Just for you.
To tease me.
To give me a taste.
Of what I thought I could not miss.
But the kisses.
The touches.
The nudges.
The up and down looks.
They fuck with my head.
And the more I think.
The more I remember.
The more I miss you. 
And it's still so stupid.
Because you are already moved on.
Off.
And I have become.
What I had intended to be.
A bridge.
That mends the gap.
Between your old life.
And the new. 
And you cross over me.
To get back to the old.
And I so want to be new again.

And now there is someone
Who makes me feel shiny and new
And it's alright, it's okay
It isn't you.

Hangover

The awful decisions
And blurred memories
Spiral in circles over my head

I wake up
Dusty eyes
You pull me to your car
And take me home

I stumble inside
Put on a big tee shirt
Sleep away the peach vodka and buzzing high
Waking up then,
To still hazy vision

I rise
Turn on the hot water
Remove the clothes that smell of desperation
Slowly step under the shower head
And wash away
The smell of you
And down the drain
Are going all of the little touches that coaxed me to you.

Stepping out,
Throwing on a towel that smells of fresh rain
I brush my teeth
To wash away the taste of your kiss
Comb my hair
Moisturize my face
And touch the bruise
From where I tripped
Walking barefoot to your car
On the ice

Waiting for the day after texts
Wanting to know if when you said
I knew for a while
You really did
Or
When you said
I like it
You really did

It's been months since I've done this
So correct me if I'm wrong.