It's Stupid, really

I feel
So much like a child

When I read over old text messages that sit, without purpose but for me to dwell on, in the phone you touched

Old Tumblr posts that I only wrote in hopes that you would see and realize you were in love with me (or something

Old poems and letters that I wrote in my notes section on my phone, that eventually, either sobered up and were never sent or were sent with tears and no reply

It's stupid

I'm not over it.

I still wish for your name to light up on my screen
If it did,
I know I would immediately "slide to unlock" and reply
In a manner that would make it impossible
For our conversation not to carry on

Opportunities and people
Pass me by,
But I just watch
It isn't what I want

I want you

I want summer

I want car rides at night

Trying to catch your hand as it moved your stick shift

I want to remember the feeling

Of not caring what anyone else thought

Because when I was with you

You were all that mattered

I want un-bitten nails and fingers

I want forehead kisses

I want awkward sleepovers while my dad pretends not to noticed

I want the carefree attitude I used to know

I don't want to be anxious anymore

I don't want to be sad

I don't want to dwell on this

I don't want to keep pretending that I'm over it when I'm not

I just want to kiss you

Once more

To maybe remind you

That what it was

I hope it was special

And this
This is a poem
Wrote
But never published