What you (maybe) never understood

I write to you not because I miss you
Even though that’s true sometimes.
I write to you because there will always be words floating in the air between us,
Even if that physical air has no oxygen
No way for you to inhale it
It is still thick like the fog that you have left my mind in for a long time now
And even though your words cut like edges of this paper on my fragile fingertips
I know you feel it too and you can’t convince me otherwise
Because on average it takes someone 17 months to get over someone.
But getting over you has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Case closed.
And I think you may treat me differently if you had seen yourself the way that I saw you.
Maybe you wouldn’t be so angry.
Maybe you would understand why I held on for so long.
Maybe you would understand.


When I watched you in the rain
You said it was the first time you saw a downpour
Your childish excitement and curiosity about the sky
I wondered if it felt the way that you felt when you told me about you
I know why I made you feel so special
Because I basically knew nothing
But watching you love something that you had never seen
It made it all make sense

I’m sure the electric energy in my eyes was the same
When you showed me your favorite poem
Reading Rumi
Finding comfort in the language of love
Learning words have no translation
Feeling a part of something new -
Driving you into Manhattan
Coming from your first airport visit where customs didn’t throw your passport at you
Her massive glory: high rises and blue fluffy cloud summer skies,
creating probably the closest thing to home you would get

There’s something about watching someone experience things for the first time
And you were someone who experienced many of my firsts
That’s what makes the connections with people from our homes so special
They know us in our firsts
But there was so much
So much
That I didn’t know, so yeah
You knew me in a way most people in San Diego could never
And one thing I know about coming back home
Is the foundation of firsts is a connection that never goes away
So I’m sorry but it’s unavoidable
I’ll always be here