Skin

You are warm and familiar.
Your long, strong arms wrap around me,
like a wool blanket.
I'm engulfed in your affection.
Your love touches me
In many places on my body.
Where our skin meets, our lives touch.
I find myself limp in your arms,
But still weightless because here,
I can forget the pain,
Even the pain you've caused.
I'm strong and my instinct is to fight.
In your arms,
My instincts fleet.
I am not an animal.
I am a woman.
The intimacy...it's real.
You do know me
And love me
And here, with our skin touching,
Felling your skin on mine...
I'm  scared I can't say good-bye.

I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

It's not wrong to lose you

It's sad,
Losing someone you were close to...
And not the dying loss.
The kind of loss where the person looks the same,
And talks the same,
But you know that somehow,
The person you thought you knew just isn't there.

I think that kind of loss is worse than death.
Because when someone dies, at least you knew them until that moment.
The person you thought you loved can do everything to you.
They lie to you,
Steal from you,
Hurt you,
Cheat on you,
Talk about you...
In ways that you really never imagined that they could.

And still,
You accept it because you love him.
But it's hurting you, so you just
stop...
And it really is sad, just losing that person.

But I know I can be ok...and I will be
But right now,
The tears that stain this page,
They are my sadness and my truth
And it's necessary...
but I will be ok.

I thought you were him, but you're not.

The love of my life will ask me to sing for him.

I praised you for your talents and passions,
While you neglected or critiqued mine.
My beauty goes beyond my body.
My body is beautiful, but it still felt like I wasn't enough.

Because you didn't love the essence of my soul.

Drop

Once it hits
Clarity
And the shapes begin to form
And I am thinking
Running in my head
Walking outside
Seeing the light and the sparks
Talking and connecting
With someone who is feeling the same way
Being affected in an identical manner
The giggles
The comfort of being surrounded
By those who can take care of me
Driving
In the woods
On an all too familiar road
Like a little toy car
In the big room
That is our rural town
And we sit in the truck
Where I feel safe
And I talk through
The feelings
And I go to the basement
And stare at the wall
And I feel the air on my skin
And all my hairs are standing perpendicular to my arm
And I wear the headphones
And listen to the song
And wake you up
And play with your fingers
And the thoughts got through my head
One at a time
I stop and think "wow."
And I wonder
How it feels
To not feel this way
Because all recollection of sobriety
Is gone
And all I can do is enjoy
Where my mind travels
And

Dreary Rainy Sunday

It hurts
A little
To listen to the rain
With the window a little open
And a candle flickering
Without your arms around me
And it hurts
A little 
Not knowing
If it’s hurting you too
And what seems
Like something so small
Isn’t small at all
Manifesting
Into something
Quite large
What’s scary
Is not knowing 
Not knowing
Not knowin

Highways

Rainy
Crisp
Cool
Sunday
Driving with the windows open
The bass rumbles through the speakers
Pulsates through my bones
My hair strays from my neat ponytail
And brushes against my face 
The sun reflecting on my teal cat eye sunglasses
And over the duration of this drive
I am imagining you next to me
A feeling of freedom and happiness
Wanting to be able to escape with you
I want to feel something
And although it is pleasing at times
The numbness is growing old

likelikeliike

I like you.
I like your baby scruffs on your chin that tickle when you giggle and look down when you're kissing me.
I like your blue eyes that are really skilled at keeping eye contact with me while we speak.
I like your bottom lip that trails behind when I kiss you.
I like your freckles that are still visible even in the winter.
I like your short, soft, blonde hair that feels softy spikey when I put my fingers in it.
I like your clunky boot that makes loud noises when you walk through your house.
I like your hands that are a lot bigger than mine but can still hold mine so gently.
I like your chest that seems so still even when I lay my head on it.

I also like that you don't think I'm crazy.
I like that you understand how my brain works.
I like that you think the same way I do...I think.
I just like talking to someone that understands.
I like that someone understands.
I like that you like me.
I like that I like someone who understands.
I like that someone I like who understands likes me.
I just like it a lot ok.

I like that when something goes wrong it's ok.
I like that because I know I have you, it's ok.
I like a lot of that actually.
You help me remember that everything's ok...and I like it.