almost

The sting of loss is like nettle - spreading
and attempts at removal do more harm than good
so we suffer

Loss - still something to which we can adapt if it's truly gone,
With loss, the road to recovery begins even if
the gate that opens it once held something so sacred,
now permanently closed...

But no one warns about almost loss,
That when it gets so close
The bruises on your forearm may fade
and your scars will glow white instead of pink
But the blood inside remembers
how fast the river flowed
when the gates were about to close

Knowing that the current can be controlled,
that maybe you have enough strength to keep it open,
but you don't care at the time
that you must give all that you have to keep it open

That's something you only realize after
After you reach the gate just in time
But no one else is there
so there you are, forever
the gatekeeper, trying to always keep it open

Growing Pains

Do you remember being young
and being able to feel the pain of growth
and the piercing of your shins
and the cramps in your calves?

As I quickly approach 23,
Less do I feel the pain
but more do I feel the panic,
because I can never see or feel enough in any place.

Two Sets of Lips

I have two sets of lips
but sometimes it feels as if the set
between my legs speaks louder
Even though the one
below my nose
is the set that speaks.

My p*ssy lips are taken more seriously
even though you all consider them dirty
But when I say the word "pussy"
then my mouth is dirtier.

Yes - both sets allow me to feel,
but unfortunately only one can fight back
And it's not the one that should - arguably
But arguing is the exact problem, isn't it?

Look at my face and listen to me only
then go between my legs
Because the set of lips that allows me to taste
can only taste empowerment if it comes first.

as days go by

May the creases in your skin be carved by the tender fingers of laughter and the soft touch of smiles.
When your salty tears grace your plump cheeks,
           May their trails nourish your heart as the moisture easily settles into your pores.
May the only marks on your body be rooted in victory and adventure,
But even when they are rooted in fear and mistakes,
           I hope you can kiss them just as smoothly as you kiss your others.
As you carefully construct your home in your heart,
May you choose materials that are just as malleable as they are sturdy,
Because brick will keep you safe but seldom warm at night without a fire burning from the inside.
Line your walls with wool and make your bed with satin,
But always know that no matter who you lie with, that your fire is sparked by you.

confoos

There may be some songs that I can never get back
but I can rewrite them because sometimes
the keys beneath your fingers glide just as smooth
and the hum in the back of your throat simply croaks instead.

But walking away I notice that my bare feet feel better walking on the grass
than walking on the sidewalk and I also know that I don't know
many other people that like to walk barefoot at all
but I know why I love it and that is why I love myself.

Even though I don't know what color it is, I know that I glow
because when I walk I can see it in people's eyes
and the shift is so specific that realistically I could be delusional
but if I am, then why does everyone still want something from me?

senseless

I wish I could clear your pain as easily as
I wash away the sand on my feet after a day at the ocean

but lately it seems as if we are constantly swept by the waves,
tumbling through the saline and spray
but only gasping for bits of air
obtaining just enough oxygen to survive,
lungs filled with water
but never enough to make us numb.

but maybe
instead of a lifeboat that I am actually
the current
and you are helpless lost in the middle of sea
and I'm sorry I can't save you
I'm sorry

It is one of my most distinct childhood memories
that I only remembered yesterday after forgetting for a long time.

I remember the heartbreak and choking on air
hiding in my mother's arms and sobbing
from truly understanding the reality of pain on this planet.