You made me a noose

You made me a noose,
Fashioned with knowledge of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities,
And you captured me with it,
Tossed around my neck, like a lasso
Because you knew I would never leave
As long as you were holding onto the rope.

The guilt I've carried is my own noose,
That I made myself as you watched.
It weighs on me,
And it weighs tons.
My body is weak and tired,
But still, there is work to be done.
I've spent so long on this journey...
There is no giving up.

But soon,
I realize...

The pain I carry will always be with me when I'm with you
Because when I try to forget...
You ignite the flame that singes my heart.
You pull on that rope
And it tightens just a little too tight on my neck,
Just to remind me that I am not in control.

Whenever I begin to feel it loosen
And relief flickers in the distance,
You remind me that true relief is unattainable
And you pull harder
So I choke.

You know
You know that my heart won't permit me to leave,
As long as the guilt remains
My heart will long to reconcile
Eternally
And still...
You pull harder

The problem is that I never suffocate
That would be too easy.
So now I muster the courage
To cut myself free from the noose that you so carefully wove for me,
Not to hang myself with,
But to damn myself with

But the rope is cut,
Leaving you...a lonesome cowboy,
Wondering how this could happen because you had the control.
Do you still wonder what went wrong?
I know you will forever wish that you could've done more.